During the recent Chinese New Year’s Day [CNYD] celebration at Prasanthi Nilayam on February 24, 2007, a devotee gave us a book entitled Di Zi Gui- Guide to a Happy Life, published by Pure Land Books in Australia. This book is all about various aspects of Chinese culture [including respect for elders and filial piety, a theme that was much stressed during the celebrations]; H2H found the book very informative as well as educative. Since the publishers have generously welcomed wide dissemination of the contents of this book, we are taking the liberty of presenting the gist of this wonderful book to our audience. Explaining the motivation for publishing the book, the Publishers say:

Chinese culture is heavily influenced by Confucius, the great Chinese scholar. Confucius believed that moral principles, virtues and disciple should be the very first lessons taught to a child, and that children need to practice them daily. It was most important to the ancient Chinese parents that their children learned moral principles and virtues first, before any other subjects, because without these as foundation, the learning of all other subjects would be futile. In ancient China , the purpose of going to school and studying was to prepare for becoming sages and saints, not to pave the way for fame or making a profit.

All this is amazingly similar to the values considered vital by Vedic society in ancient India; yet, the similarity is not surprising since people worldwide in those days uniformly set a higher store to values than to profit. Ancient Chinese felt that without strict discipline and moral principles, a child would amount to nothing.

When my parents call me, I will answer them right away. When they ask me to do something, I will listen respectfully. When my parents reproach me, I will obey and accept their scolding. I will try to hard to change and improve myself, to start anew.

In the winter, I will keep my parents warm; in the summer, I will keep my parents cool. I will always greet my parents in the morning to show them I care. At night I will make sure my parents rest well. Before going out, I must tell my parents where I am going, for parents are always concerned about their children. After returning home, I must go and see my parents to let them know I am back, so they do not worry about me. I will maintain a permanent place to stay and lead a routine life. I will persist in whatever I do and will not change my aspirations at will.

A matter might be trivial but if it is wrong to do it or unfair to another person, I must not do it imagining it will bear little or no consequence. If I do, I am not being a good child because my parents would not want to see me doing things that are irrational or illegal. Even though an object might be small, I will not keep it a secret from my parents. If I do, I will hurt my parents’ feelings.

COMMENT: In China, a person’s conduct is governed by five important moral principles [Wu Chang] and eight virtues [Ba De]. The five oral principles are: kind-heartedness, duties and obligations, proper etiquette, wisdom, trustworthiness. The eight mandatory virtues are: duty to parents, respect for elders, loyalty, credibility, proper etiquette, duties and obligations, a sense of honour, and a sense of shame. Not surprisingly, there is some overlap between the two sets of codes of conduct.

When my parents do wrong, I will urge them to change. I will do it with a kind facial expression and a warm and gentle voice. If they do not accept my advice, I will wait until they are in a happier mood before I attempt to dissuade them again, followed by crying if necessary, to make them understand. If they end up whipping me, I will not hold a grudge against them.

COMMENT: This may come as a bit of a surprise, in ancient China, they were so fussy about obedience that when a child did not obey the parents, the parents were not only allowed to discipline the child but even allowed to ask the authorities to have the child executed! By the way, in ancient China, etiquette was laid down by the emperor. Obviously all this is going too far by today’s standards, but what we must understand is the passionate belief the Chinese had in discipline.

When my parents are ill, I will taste the medicine first before giving it to them. I will take care of them night and day and stay by their bedside. During the first three years of mourning after my parents have passed away, I will remember them with gratitude and feel sad often for not being able to repay them for their kindness in raising me. During this period, I will arrange my home to reflect my grief and sorrow. I will also avoid festivities and indulgence in food and alcoholic drinks. I will observe proper etiquette in arranging my parents’ funerals. I will hold the memorial ceremony and commemorate my parents’ anniversaries with utmost sincerity. I will serve my departed parents as if they were still alive.

COMMENT: It is hardly necessary to point out how much importance Swami gives to revering one’s parents both when they are alive and when the are no more. Talking about the death anniversaries of departed parents, Swami told His students, “Think of all the sacrifices they have made and shed a tear or two. After that feed the poor, seeing your parents in their forms.” We now consider the duty the child has to siblings.

If I am the older sibling, I will befriend the younger ones. If I am the younger sibling, I will respect and love the older ones. Only when I can maintain harmonious relationships with my siblings am I being dutiful to my parents. When I value my family ties more important than property and belongings, no resentment will come between me and my siblings. When I am careful with words and hold back comments that would hurt, my anger would automatically subside.

When I address an elder, I should not call him by his given name. This is in accord with ancient Chinese etiquette. In front of an elder, I will never show off. If I meet an elder I know on the street, I will promptly clasp my hands and greet him with a bow. If he does not speak to me, I will step back and respectfully stand aside. Should I be riding a horse and spot an elder I know who is walking, I will dismount and pay respect to the elder. If I am riding a carriage, I will stop, get out of the carriage, and ask if I can give the elder a ride. If I meet an elder passing by, I will stand aside and wait respectfully. I will not leave till the elder disappears from my sight.

COMMENTS: It is necessary to pause and make several comments at this stage. Firstly, about the naming system in China. In the Chinese tradition, a male had at least two names. The first of these was the ‘given name’, the name given by the parents at birth.

A second name was given to the male by his friends when he reached the age of twenty, at a ceremony called the Ceremony of the Hat, that was held to announce his coming of age. After that, only his parents could call him by his given name; all the rest, including the emperor had to address him only by his second name. The only exception was if the person committed a crime. In that case, at the time of sentencing, he would be called by his given name.

When an elder is standing, I will not sit. After an elder sits down, I will sit only when I am told to do so. Before an elder, I will speak softly. But if my voice is too low and hard to hear, such soft speaking is not appropriate. When meeting an elder, I will walk briskly towards him; when leaving, I will not exit in haste. When answering a question, I will look at the person asking the question.

I will serve my uncles as I am serving my parents. I will treat my cousins as if they were my own siblings.

COMMENTS: The advice about looking in the eye is an interesting one. Sometime ago, in Holland there was a lot of debate about Muslim immigrants, especially women, not looking the person they are speaking to in the eye. The Dutch said, “In this country, we always look into the eye of the person we are speaking to; doing so is a sign of being honest and straight-forward." In the Islamic tradition, however, the customs are different, and the issue was: Should the host country be tolerant to the culture of the immigrants or demand total conformity, in the name of all sorts of dubious arguments. It is important to understand, tolerate and be as accommodative as possible, especially when the customs are based on respect and humility. This also applies to calling the other person by name. In India, one did not until recently refer to an elder by name; but now, thanks to imported traditions, it is not uncommon to see youngsters refer to elders not only by name but even without the respect prefix of mister, etc.

When I am about to enter a main entrance, I must first ask if someone is inside. Before entering a room, I must first make myself heard, so that those inside know someone is approaching. If someone asks who I am, I must give my name. To answer ‘it is me’ or ‘Me’ is not sufficient. Before borrowing things from others, I must ask for permission. If I do not ask, it is stealing. When borrowing things from others, I will return properly. Later, if I have an urgent need, I will not have a problem borrowing from them again.

When I speak, honesty is important. Deceitful words and lies must never be spoken. Rather than talking too much, it is better to speak less. I will speak only the truth. I will not twist the fact. Cunning words, foul language, and philistine habits must be avoided at all costs.

What I have not seen with my own eyes, I will not readily tell to others. What I do not know for sure, I will not easily pass on to others. If I am asked to do something that is inappropriate or bad, I must not agree to do it. If I do, I will probably be wrong. I must speak clearly and to the point.

I must not talk too fast or mumble. Some like to talk about the good point of others, while some like to talk about the faults of others. If it is none of my business, I will not get involved.

If any mistake I make is inadvertent, it is merely a mistake. If it is done on purpose, however, it is an evil act. If I correct my mistake and do not repeat it, I no longer own the mistake. If I try to cover it up, I will be doubly wrong.

Human beings, regardless of nationality, race, or religion – everyone – should be loved equally. We are all sheltered by the same sky and we all live on the same planet Earth.

A person of high ideals and morals is highly respected. What people value is not based on outside appearance. A person’s outstanding abilities will naturally endow him with a good reputation. Admiration from others does not come from boasting or praising oneself.

If I am a very capable person, I should use my capabilities for the benefit of others. Other people’s competence should never be slandered. I will not flatter the rich or despise the poor. I will not ignore old friends, only delight in taking new ones. When a person is busy, I will not bother him with matters. When a person’s mind is not at ease, I will not bother him with words.

When I am directing maids and servants, I will act honourably and properly. I will also treat them kindly and generously. If I use my influence to make them submissive, their hearts will not be with me. If I can convince them with sound reasoning, they will have nothing to object to.

We are all human, but we are not the same. Most of us are ordinary; only a few have great virtues and high moral principles. A truly virtuous person is greatly respected by others. He will not be afraid to speak the truth and he will not fawn on others.

If I can be close to and learn from people of great virtue and compassion, I will benefit immensely. My virtues will grow daily and my wrongdoings will lessen day by day. If I choose not to be close to and learn from people of great value, I will suffer a great loss. People without virtue will get close to me and nothing I attempt will succeed.

If I do not actively practice what I have learned, but continue to study on the surface, even though my knowledge is increasing, it is only superficial. What kind of person will I be? If I do not apply my knowledge diligently, but stop studying, I will only do things based on my own opinion, thinking it is correct. In fact, what I know is not the truth.

There are methods to study correctly. They involve concentration in three areas: my mind, my eyes, and my mouth. To believe in what I read is equally important.