Family Time with Beloved Sai
- An engaging and insightful conversation with Sharon and Judy Sandweiss
Listen to the Radio interview with Sharon and Judy Sandweiss
Part-2
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RS: Judy, you are an all-American girl, and how did knowing Swami influence you in your lifestyle choices and decision making?
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Judy: One major thing is that Swami says, "Tell me your friends and I will tell you who you are." So we (sisters) not only have each other and our parents as friends, but we also have some good friends who have strong character and want to serve others.
They are also playful, fun and loving. I think surrounding ourselves with people like that in every stage of our lives, like in high school, college or professional life, has been a huge influence.
Sharon: I will give an example… your (Judy’s) friends in the 10th or 11th grade. These girls came from nice homes and were good girls. However, on a weekend, if the parents were away, the girls would go to one of the houses and drink alcohol to excess.
Judy had one good friend who also didn’t join this group. Judy would come from school on Monday and tell us about it. She shared it with us because we were open, we did not judge her friends, nor did we jump on her.
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She told us that she was not going to drink alcohol... If you talk to kids about addiction, about how it is not wise to join such activity and how parents would feel, kids can understand. Judy made the choice not to go.
RS: Was it hard to be left out?
Judy: Yeah, sometimes maybe… But I was on the tennis team, so I had that going on (laughs). When I finally got to college, I wanted to shed the all-academic, perfect-student image and I became more social. But I didn’t get into drinking or that other stuff. I think it is a balancing act. Swami says that while shaving, if you push too hard you'll cut yourself and if you don’t push hard enough, nothing happens.
So it is with discipline. While following dharma, do not be so rigid and strict with yourself that you ultimately want to rebel and go in the other direction.
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Life is like that, especially during those years of high school and college. Also, having Swami in our lives, having bhajans at our house every Thursday night, and being able to see Him in His physical form is such a blessing for all of us.
Sharon: You can’t begin to describe the kind of love you feel when you are with Him... It’s an enveloping love... If we are sharing love with our family, that's Him... He is right here, giving us the love that we are sharing with all.
It makes us feel confident and strong, as we go through our problems in life. We all have to deal with problems and challenges, but knowing that He is loving and supporting us helps us through it.
One of the girls asked Baba, "How can we feel close to You, as You are so far away?" Baba said, "Talk to Me all the time... Give Me your pain." I think that's how He becomes our friend. Jack Hislop once said that he gets up in the morning and says, "Swami, I am taking Your hand now," and he would hold Baba's hand throughout the day. |
RS: That’s the best coping mechanism.
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Sharon: Holding on, talking to Him. One of the girls asked Baba, "How can we feel close to You, as You are so far away?" Baba said, "Talk to Me all the time... Give Me your pain." I think that's how He becomes our friend. Jack Hislop once said that he gets up in the morning and says, "Swami, I am taking Your hand now," and he would hold Baba's hand throughout the day.
RS: That’s very beautiful... Judy, do you have any particular interaction with Swami that you hold very dear?
Judy: Yes… About three years ago, after all my sisters had gotten married, I was the only one left. I felt all alone; it was sad. Swami called us for an interview in September 2006. He immediately started talking to me about Goddess Kali and the strength of Kali to fight evil, and He said that all power lies within me. He then gave me a beautiful Kali Durga medal and chain. It gave me so much love and courage, that it filled my heart and took away the pain and sadness I was feeling.
In this process, I have come to realize that there are so many wonderful things about being single and free... I would rather come here for this beautiful 84th birthday, than be with the wrong guy and be in an unhappy relationship. I have finally come to a point where I am trying to let go of the desire and just give it to Swami. There have been a lot of benefits about being single at 38... It’s great.
RS: You clearly share a very loving relationship with your sisters…
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Judy: Absolutely. We've shared so much of the ups and downs of life, and we've been through so many close experiences with Swami. We like to remember when He patted our heads and said, "Good girls." When we get together for a frozen yogurt on a Saturday or to roller blade, we talk about how sweet Swami is and how the little ones are now talking about Baba. Just sharing those experiences with each other is so very special.
RS: You can keep revisiting those memories and derive bliss from them...
Sharon: Yes… The girls know that they have gentle and loving husbands. They also realize that they have to keep their devotion (to Swami) within, to some extent, but that it is expressed through love for their husbands, their children, their in-laws and beyond. They feel blessed and happy that Baba chose such good husbands for them.
RS: Any unforgettable moment when you prayed to Swami for help and intervention and felt an answer to your prayer?
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Cherished moments: Dr. Samuel Sandweiss with Bhagavan Baba |
Sharon: Yes... so many experiences. We prayed strongly when my husband underwent heart surgery nearly 12 years ago. It was an open heart operation and we were worried. A few months before the surgery, Baba had blessed Sam and said that he had a good heart, strong heart, but there was something about his heart rate. The surgery was very challenging.
I don’t know how we could have gotten through it without holding onto Baba. My husband recovered amazingly in one month, and was back working as a psychiatrist within four or five weeks. I think it was Baba's support and love that helped us through it.
There was a small experience, when the girls were very young – the twins were six years old then, and Sam and I had just returned from Prashanthi after our first trip. We were sitting in the living room and the girls asked, "Mommy, is Baba real?" I said, "Yes, He is real," and… a framed picture of Baba sitting on a table across the room from us, crashed to the floor.
It was instantaneous. We all jumped out of our seats, and the girls agreed that He was real. It was a sign of His presence. So He gives us these little signs if we really look for them.
Judy: If you are tuned in and open...
Sharon: Yes, it is so beautiful. He is with us and He knows every thought of ours.
We have to practice values and express this love, as young people are quick to see hypocrisy. We should be strong, bold, brave and confident, like lions, and have courage, keep good company, and do good deeds. When we behave this way, we feel happy. When we give love to others, we receive much more love and it fills us. Setting a loving example can strongly influence others. |
Judy: Years ago, my sisters and I were driving to a friend’s place for her birthday... but it was too late to pick up a gift for the friend. We pulled to the side of the road and were discussing what to do. And right there we saw balloons in a trashcan outside somebody’s house and they were ‘Happy Birthday’ balloons. They were new and perfect! That is so unusual. It was like Swami's little leela (divine play), and we brushed off the balloons and went to the friend and said Happy Happy Birthday to her.
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RS: Sharon, you deal with a lot of people who are non-devotees. Three of your daughters are married into families who are not Sai devotees. What do you say when people ask who is Sai Baba?
Sharon: Well... We have to see how much they really want to know, but not give out too much information. If they ask a general question, we can say that He is a great humanitarian, my spiritual teacher, something like that. If they persist and want to know more, we can give a little more information, and then finally say - "Well, have you ever heard the word Avatar? I believe He is an Avatar." We have to work our way slowly...
Judy: Yes… Don't say too much is the lesson, unless the person asking really wants to know.
RS: Tell us about Baba's teachings and their relevance to young adults.
Sharon: Swami says we are divine. He has faith in us and tells us we are pure love. If we really begin to feel this, we can start expressing it to young people. We live in a complex world. Young adults must be brave warriors to deal with life's problems, and having faith in God can help. If 'God' is too hard a concept for some young people who are cynical, we can tell them that they are pure love.
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Dr. Samuel Sandweiss' second book which has inspired thousands |
But first, we have to practice values and express this love, as young people are quick to see hypocrisy. We should be strong, bold, brave and confident, like lions, and have courage, keep good company, and do good deeds. When we behave this way, we feel happy. When we give love to others, we receive much more love and it fills us. Setting a loving example can strongly influence others.
I think if young people experiment with this approach to life, they will develop good behavior. They can't have peace if they are heavily into alcohol, or any other serious addiction or negative behavior. It doesn't feel right. They can try (leading their life) the other way, just to see if it feels better - like an experiment in life. See how it feels to do something good for someone else.
Judy: Having gratitude and living in the present (are important for youngsters)… There were times when we ran off to school or work and would say "Good bye and love you." Mom would say, "Don't forget, you are Atma Swaroopa," and our neighbors would wonder. She would have the screen open and say "You are Atma Swaroopa, have a wonderful day, bye, love you!"…
Also live in the present. Don’t bemoan the past; don't worry too much about the future and start living in the present. He is Omnipresent. Every day is a new day.
Baba stresses how important the body is, and how we have to take care not only with eating, but also with exercising to maintain a balanced life. Go to the gym, dance, walk, do something with music or whatever brings creativity and fun into life. It broadens our mind and brings us joy. We should be happy, joyful, appreciative of life and grateful. |
Mom always says it all looks brighter in the morning, and it does. Wake up with the sense of appreciation for the magnificence of life, that we have our health, we have our family and we have our Swami.
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Sharon: There are certain techniques too. If you are angry, go for a run. Do something physical. Baba stresses how important the body is, and how we have to take care not only with eating, but also with exercising to maintain a balanced life. Go to the gym, dance, walk, do something with music or whatever brings creativity and fun into life. It broadens our mind and brings us joy. We should be happy, joyful, appreciative of life and grateful.
Judy: And don’t force the kids. My Mom and Dad never forced us to go to bhajans...
Sharon: Some people want to bring everybody together (for daily prayers), and they force this on family members, sometimes creating resentment in older kids. If we do our spiritual practice lovingly, we set the example; it makes us happy and gives us peace. Others, too, will be curious and will gradually join. (To Judy) You girls often joined us, and even our dogs came to the altar and sat when we did aarti.
RS: Judy, how was it like when you did not want to join when your Dad did aarti every morning?
Judy: Very good question. He is very regular about doing aarti, and sometimes I just didn't feel like it. I wanted it to come spontaneously from my heart. So I would sit it out or come in the very end to get vibhuti. But our parents never forced us, which was so important. They saw that when we were ready, we would come, and we did.
Sharon: I didn't go all the time (for the aarti) in the beginning, because I felt dishonest if I went and just stood there. I didn't know the words or their meanings, and Samuel would explain each word over and over again.
RS: Did Swami ever say anything on watching movies or TV in any interview?
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Sharon: No, never. He always said, "Good girls," and was always very positive and encouraging. He once said, "Do you know that sometimes in the morning some girls take one hour to put their make-up on? But not these girls." Can you imagine?
Judy: Also, Swami has, through our experiences, stressed that it is important for children to look to parents for their input and guidance. For instance, I asked Swami what I should study in health administration. He said, "Go ask your father." So He was telling me that your father is your guide; go to him.
RS: So He emphasized the role your Dad had to play in your lives?
Sharon: Yes… Judy's sister asked about a certain person (for marriage). Swami said, ‘Well, What do you know (about him)? How do you feel about him?' Baba didn't tell her yes or no. He didn't spell it out. He wants us to think carefully and use our own discrimination.
RS: So you make your own decision.
Sharon: He says, "I am the Source, not the force." He doesn't tell. He emphasizes the importance of good character and offers us all the information. For example, "Oh… The boy is like this, his parents (are like this), he comes from a different kind of family..." He would drop a few hints, but wouldn't advise to drop the boy immediately.
Judy: That same sister asked, "Swami, do you like this boy?" He responded, "Do you like?" and she said, "Sometimes." He said, "Sometimes is not enough--it has to be stronger. Life is a long journey." In that same interview, He asked my Dad to find out what the boy's intentions were.
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RS: That is very insightful. I am sure a lot of listeners will learn a lot from this about making decisions and Swami's emphasis on using your own discrimination to arrive at a good answer. A lot of us get confused and need to accept input from our parents because they are very good guides.
Sharon: I would say one last little thing. Ask yourself – "Is this decision going to hurt me or is this going to hurt someone else?" It is a good technique when we are caught (in a dilemma). We have to question, "Will any aspect of this decision cause us grief, pain, suffering in the long run? Will this decision please Baba?"
RS: What if you are willing to make a choice that is good for you; but if it is a spiritual choice, you have a lot of social pressures. For example, if you choose to live in a certain way, very dharmic way, it might hurt somebody else's feeling who has a different dream for you. How do you determine then?
Sharon: This is so difficult and complicated, and I don't presume to offer advice, as each situation is different and unique. We sometimes speak to young adults, who are trying to please their parents. Their parents want them to have a certain kind of life, and the child may not want to even get married.
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Sai is truly the Center of their lives |
For instance, we have met a few women and men who want to dedicate their lives to serving God. How can we convince family members? This is a communication challenge. First, we should try to express our feelings and explain clearly.
We can try to address their concerns. We can lovingly tell our parents that we are sorry for disappointing them. Then, in the long run, we have to be true to our self and to our God within, our guide within.
Communication is very important. We see some young people breaking away from their parents. The kids are conflicted, as they don’t want to hurt anyone. So, when they ask me about it, I say, you have to try talking it out and be very respectful. When we are dependent on our parents for schooling, etc., it is one thing. When we are financially independent, it's a different story.
We should try to be as honest as we can with them, as sweet as wee can, and then, hopefully, understanding comes with time, I guss. When we mature, we just have to be true to ourselves, don't you think?
RS: Maybe express it from the place of love?
Sharon: Right.
RS: Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Most people can't even imagine having access to Swami's physical presence and asking him so many questions that are so universal. A lot of people face the same issues. What you gave us is totally priceless. Thanks again.
Sharon & Judy: Thank you, and thank you to Swami.
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