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Posted on: Mar 06, 2015

Tamaso ma Jyotirgamaya

From Darkness Lead Me to Light

Part 03

Mother Sai's Divine Promise and Protection – For Life

RD: Yes. After He finished talking to Jayamma Madam, He turned to me. He came a little close and said “Bangaru, study well and come back and teach here.” I asked “Swami, teach what?” He said “Teach English.” I asked “But how Swami? It will be very difficult for me.” He replied, “No, it won't be difficult. I will strengthen your will. You stay in the hostel and teach those who need extra coaching in English.” I said “Yes Swami” and He replied “Surely I will give you a seat in my college. This is my promise.”

KM: Oh what a declaration! Very powerful!

RD: It was 4.30 in the evening and the clock struck half hour at that time. Everyone was in awe and thought “What a promise! How it is going to be fulfilled?” Of course when the time came Swami really fulfilled it.

KM: I also believe that after a bit of initial drama once you joined the college, it was a beginning of real bliss for you because you were tutoring students. It is during this time that you had many opportunities to interact with Bhagawan. Tell us about the incident when He gave you a very special gift He had ordered for you so thoughtfully.

RD: That was in 1987. Actually I was made to stand at crossroads and asked to choose which road I wanted to walk on. That year, a blind school was opened in Vishakapatnam, my home town. When I went home for holidays my friend told me that a school had opened there and they wanted a principal. She said they preferred a visually challenged person. She'd already told my mother about it. I had completed my MA but she had just done her BA and so she wanted to recommend me.

Everyone jumped at the idea and said “Yes, that is a good idea. Let her come.” When I went they said “Why don't you come here and take up the principal's post?” I replied “I do not know how to be a principal.”

They said “For some months it might be difficult but then you will get used to your work. You will do it very well.” I told them I did not want to leave Swami's College. They said “You do not have to leave anything. You have Swami's messages and His love. Shouldn't you spread it and convey the message to the world?” They used all possible convincing arguments.

Actually, I was frightened. I just didn't want to go at all. The pressure was mounting. So I said I'd come but I'd first ask Swami. They agreed. I sent in an application and came to Parthi with somebody in July. I sat for darshan with a letter in hand. I gave it to Swami and asked “Swami, they are asking me to join as a principal in a blind school. What should I do? But as far as I am concerned…” I stopped short thinking I should not influence Swami's opinion.

I felt “Why should I say anything without Swami's wish?” Though I really didn't like it I did not want to say it. I asked “Swami please tell me what I should do.” He replied “I will tell you.” Then I said “Please tell me soon Swami because they will be calling and I have to go and join there.” He again said “I will tell you.”

I was so depressed and thought “How does it matter to Swami whether I stay here or go? It is up to me only. If I ask like this Swami will say ‘Go bangaru. Go and do your best there.’” So I wrote a letter to my aunt Kamala who was in Hyderabad at that time and said “Kamala Akka, please bring another aunt with you because some elderly person should be there. Otherwise Swami won't call me for interview. If you come then Swami will call us and maybe He will tell me to go.”

It was a Friday evening when I posted the letter. On Sunday morning Swami came in my aunt's dream at about 4.30 am. She was sitting in the darshan line on the sands with the public and I was sitting opposite her with our Anantapur campus group. He pointed to me and asked “How is she related to you?” My aunt replied “Swami she is my sister's daughter.”

Swami said in a very serious tone “Alright but what is this? She is saying she wants to go. Actually she has done a lot of tapas (penance). With great difficulty and with so much of yearning she came here and I have given her the seat. She has earned the seat. Now she wants to forfeit this. Anyway I have no objection. People can do what they like.”

My aunt got scared and said “Swami please do not say that. She really doesn't want to go and she does not know what to do. If you say no, she will not go.” Swami replied “Is it? I do not like it” and disappeared. After my aunt woke up she wrote a letter to me about the dream. She said “I am not coming Rama, as there is no need. Swami has given the answer. Now it is for you to decide. If you want to come and join in the blind school you can do so. Otherwise stay there in Anantapur.”

My letter reached her on Monday and she wrote a post-script. “You said Swami will say ‘Bangaru, take up the job.’ Swami is not like that! He is concerned about you and clearly says that He does not want you to go. Are you happy?” I was overjoyed and jumped for joy when I received her letter on Thursday. Then from our college itself I let my mother know that I would not be coming. I told her that I wanted to stay back and all that Swami had told my aunt in the dream.

‘Watch’ful Love and Care of Mother Sai

I typed a big letter to Swami with so much of gratitude and said “Swami You have really averted a tragedy in my life. I am so grateful to You. You are like a thousand mothers.” I kept that letter in my hand and sat for darshan during Guru Purnima which came on July 30th. Swami came in the morning and took the letter.

In the evening when He came He asked all the teachers “What does she do?” Our principal replied “Swami she teaches weak students.” He asked jocularly “Physically weak students or mentally weak students?” The principal replied “Swami, she teaches English.” Then He said “Alright. I've got a watch for her. Let Me go and get it.” He went inside and brought a box with a Braille watch. He kept the watch on His palm and stood opposite me. I was kneeling. He said “Hold my hand” and gave me His hand. Then He opened the watch fully.

KM: Like a wrist watch? The glass lid could be popped open?

RD: Exactly. Swami opened it and said “Tell Me the time now.”

KM: You had to feel the numbers.

RD: Yes. I did not know how to tell the time because the 12 o' clock, 6 o' clock and 9 o' clock signs were all the same. Since Swami was standing opposite me I was a little disoriented about the direction. I said “Swami I do not know” but He did not want to take that for an answer. He said “You can tell.” Somebody even tried to prompt me but He said “No! Do not say anything.” I was bewildered and for five minutes I just held Swami's hand and sat.

I did not know what to do. Then at 6 o' clock bhajans started in the mandir and I very happily said “I now know what time it is Swami. It is 6 o' clock.” He laughed and said “No! It is showing 12:50.” Then He set it right and gave it to me. I can't tell you how happy I was at that time!

Using God's Gift to Serve Him

KM: Swami also gave you a chance to translate His Chinna Kathas – those little stories and parables that He tells – in Braille and that led to a wonderful opportunity.

RD: Yes, that was in 1981. We had formed an alumni association and Swami had named it ‘Kingdom of Mother Sai’. We had to engage in seva activities. So our President asked me “What can you do? Can you write Chinna Katha or any of Swami's books in Braille?” I thought about it and during one darshan I showed the Braille slate to Swami to get it blessed. I said “Swami they are asking me to write something. Can I write Chinna Katha?” and He replied “Chinna Katha? Good! Good for children. You write that.” He blessed the slate and I started writing.

I did not know how to write a book or compile anything. Girls helped me by dictating the book. When my aunt came for Dasara she also dictated. I went on writing and completed the book and on Deepavali, Swami called us for an interview. Our President said “Swami, she has completed the book and it has gone for binding. Will You release it on Your birthday?” Swami replied “Yes I will.”

He then asked “Will she speak?” Everybody said “Yes Swami, she can speak on the stage.” Swami said “Bangaru, you speak on My birthday. Tell people how fortunate you are being in My college, under My umbrella, in My care. Also tell them that they should make good use of their God-given gifts.” He also said “You can see Me. Actually you can see God with a clear mind. That is enough for you. You need not have eyes to see.”

Seeing the Divine Mother with the Inner Vision

Incidentally, that year I had been wondering about the delights of sight and just imagining how nice it would be if I could also see. I felt I could see many colours and many things in Nature. I could be independent and walk on my own. But suddenly a strong message came in my mind. Swami often talks in Telugu but sometimes He speaks in English. He clearly said “Sight pretends to burst upon you but I am preventing it.” I was so taken aback and with so much feeling I said “Swami if You say You don't want to give me and You feel that I should not see, I accept Your will and from my side I will cooperate with You. I will not ask for sight.”

This message was so powerful and so was its impact that for a month I hesitated to rub my eyes open in the morning when I woke up. I hesitated thinking that if I did that somehow sight might get activated. I did not want that to happen because Swami told me not to.

KM: What did you make of His proclamation that He was preventing it?

RD: Whatever karma I have to undergo I should undergo. Moreover, what I always felt was that by seeing I won't become something different.

KM: You would possibly be more confused with all the sights.

RD: Yes. I used to always concentrate on improving my inner self. If I have anger I feel I should control it. If I am not talking nicely I should change it. I always think how to improve my virtues. I feel that life is like a game and every game has its own rules and limitations. You have to play within these. I have this limitation and I should perform well within this.

KM: Well I must say you are performing extremely well with your limitations. The Women's Wing of the Employees Association of BSNL, which is a telecom company in India, came to know about your achievements and invited you in March 2010 for the celebration of International Women's Day as a gesture of appreciation for a visually challenged woman who stood her ground against many odds in life. They felicitated you with a citation and a memo. This too I believe was Swami's grace on you and that is how you take it.

RD: Yes! It is surely Swami's grace.

KM: It has been wonderful hearing your experiences, Sister Rama Akka. Thank you so much for sharing your time. We appreciate it deeply. Sairam.

RD: Thank you and Sairam!

- Radio Sai Team

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