My humble pranams at the Divine Lotus Feet of Our Beloved Bhagawan.

As a child of 6 years I did not know anything about our Swami. All I knew is, it was a divine love at first sight when I saw His photo in my sister’s friend’s house in 1984. Days, months, years passed but He visited me in my dreams throughout my growing up years. He showed signs of the good and the bad about to happen. I knew then that Swami was holding my hands in all my endeavour.

Later in my 20s (I could not recall exactly when), Swami appeared in my dream and touched both my ears, smiled and said, “Don’t worry”. I can still feel the soft, warm hands cupping my ears, His trimmed finger nails touching the back of my ears. I smiled at Swami with tears in my eyes and touched His feet and He touched my head lovingly and blessed. I knew something great was coming my way and I was holding on to him all along.

Prior to that, at the age of 19 I had gradual hearing loss on both ears. It was known as Sensory Neural Hearing Loss (SNHL). I have been through various medical follow up with many specialist but the outcome was always the same, negative remarks from doctors, “Only time will tell, complete deafness is inevitable”.

Losing the ability to hear was like losing life itself as communication was badly affected. I had trouble at work, trouble communicating with my loved ones and losing my ability to sing as I was unable to capture tunes (tune deafness). I was dependent on hearing aids which was not really helpful.

Whenever I was about to give up on life due to deafness, Swami showed His presence via vibhuti manifestation at home or visiting me in my dreams. All these only strengthened my faith in Him more. His love is more than a thousand mother’s love evidently.

Along the way, I developed serious allergy in my ear due to the ear mould of my hearing aids and that means I could not hear as I am unable to wear the device. I even gave up my job at a leading bank here in Malaysia in 2011. It used to itch so badly and bleed whenever I cleaned the parched skin in my ears. Only Swami knows the pain and discomfort I was going through apart from not being able to hear as I could not wear my device. I used to cry and fight with Swami by questioning Him at my altar. Seeing the smile on His face all the time softens me and I leave by saying “I am holding on to You Swami”.

In November 2015, I could no longer tolerate the allergy reaction. I decided to try my luck at the Government Hospital. There were 2 doctors in the room and I was attended by the junior doctor. The first check up was the usual, ”We can’t help you. Deafness is inevitable” but I refused to give up. Something inside me was telling me to seize the opportunity to ask about Cochlear Implant.

So yes, I asked, “Can’t I be cured via Cochlear Implant?”. I was totally unaware that the other doctor present in the room during my consultation with the junior doctor was actually the Head of ENT Department who is also the Chief Surgeon for Cochlear Implant surgeries. My question caught his attention and he stopped attending to his patient and asked me if I knew what I was talking about and if I am aware of the consequences of Cochlear Implant. I told him, “Yes doctor, I am aware and I just want to hear again.” That was enough for me to secure an appointment for a follow up check up with him.

Numerous appointments thereafter for blood test, allergy test, audiology, speech assessment, Xrays, MRIs etc which drained me but Swami kept me going. I was a person who lack in patience but in this particular phase of my life I do not know how I manage to be patient. It is definitely Swami’s work. I was also attending EHV (Balvikas) Guru training programme despite all the odds. Sometime in mid 2016, the Head Surgeon, Dr Philip Rajan Devasahayam told me that I passed as a Cochlear Implant candidate and that I had all the needed vitals. I could only cry due to happiness but another big question I had in mind, how do I fork out the RM69,800 needed for the surgery. I was no longer working and my loved ones were not in a position to come up with such a huge sum. My surgeon advised me to go through the government welfare foundation.

The beginning of another testing period where I had to go through numerous interviews and house visits by the welfare officer. My 1st interview with the officer was on 2nd August 2016. 1 night before the interview I prepared all my documents and placed at Swami’s feet in my altar. Next morning I realized Swami had materialised vibhuti on the hand rest of His chair in our altar. I knew then that all is happening with His will. The interview went on well but was not too promising. The welfare officer seem to develop a soft spot for me though, it could be due to His intervention as well. She told me she had strong urge to help me and promised that she would. 3 interviews passed.

1.5 months later, there was no sign of reply from the foundation. I told Swami, “It is fine Swami. You know best. I suppose there are many out there more deserving than me. Give it to them. I guess can live with this disability.” 2 weeks later, on a Thursday my mom gave me a letter bearing foundation logo. I could not believe my eyes when I read it. I had to get my mom to read it out for me as I was already in tears. It said, the request for financial assistance from government welfare foundation was approved for RM65,800 which means I have to fork out the remaining RM4,000. This was one of the best news I have received in my life but of course I was worried about coming up with the balance sum of RM4,000.

I shared this news with all my loved ones and a friend who is also an ENT Consultant (her son was my EHV student). She said,”This is definitely Swami’s divine hands at work. Go for it. You are just too lucky to have His grace.” So, I proceeded with the next move, forking out the RM4,000. I had saved some money for my Parthi Guru Yatra which was due on February 2017 and I was reluctant to touch that as I wanted so badly to receive my certificate in Prasanthi Nilayam. Not everyone gets this opportunity, 1 in a lifetime opportunity to get certificates blessed at Sai Sannidhi and to be handed to participants. I was in a huge dilemma. Swami again got into action. Money came from my loved ones and also a dear Sai brother who is a selfless Sai Sevak.

November 2016, I managed to make the required payment of RM4,000 and my surgery date was supposed to be in December but due to the fact that I have my Parthi Guru Yatra in February 2017, Dr Philip decided to postpone it to 17th March 2017 as it was risky to fly too soon after the surgery. I thought I would be able to hear better during my yatra but Swami had different plans for me I suppose.

2017 came with a bang. I headed to Parthi and received my EHV Guru certificate there. Returned to Malaysia and waited eagerly for the Cochlear Implant surgery. In the meantime, I always wanted to do something for the terminally ill, the cancer patients. Swami put an idea in my head. As I needed to shave a small portion of my hair during surgery, I was contemplating of shaving it bald and donating the hair to be made into wig for cancer patients who are undergoing chemotherapy. Did some research here and there. With support of loved ones and Swami of course I came up with another thought, #Bald4aCause to raise fund for the Paediatric Oncology Ward in Government Hospital (the same hospital I was to be operated on).

Loved ones and total strangers came in full force to support the cause but we were nowhere near the target of RM5,000. Just few days before my surgery, I received a sudden call from the hospital for an urgent appointment with my surgeon. I was too worried only to be told that my surgery has been postponed to 24th March 2017, giving me additional time to raise fund for the Paediatric Oncology. Yes, we did it on 22nd March 2017, my 5 friends along with me shaved our head bald and raised a total of RM8,450 for the children with cancer. My long hair was given away to the Cancer Association which makes wigs for its patients. I was implanted on the 24th March and the implant was activated on 16th April. All in all, my Cochlear Implant journey was successful with His divine grace and intervention. Life is beautiful now because I was holding on to Him.

I am still very much holding on to Him to this very moment. I hope to overcome my tune deafness and to sing for Him 2 of my favourite bhajans; Sai Hai Jeevan and Sundara Sundara Nache. For now I am only singing at home as people out there do not understand the woes of a tune deaf person. Some day Swami will make it possible as I am not going to let go of Him. Holding on to Him is the only thing I know how to do best. Jai Sai Ram.