My heartfelt gratitude to you and the entire team at Radio Sai for your amazing work to help me, as well as millions around the globe to connect with Swami everyday.

My journey to Swami began when I was eleven.  I was born in the twin islands of Trinidad & Tobago, and lived in Penal, Trinidad, West Indies, with my parents, two sisters and one brother.  My parents together with some friends and family started a weekly prayer meeting (Satsang) session on Thursdays, which was rotated at different homes in the neighbourhood.  In this wonderful ambience I learnt about Swami and enjoyed the music, singing and stories, and soon began to feel a deep sense of peace within.  Two years later, we moved the Satsang to a fixed venu, and that was the birth of the Patiram Trace Sai Center in Penal, Trinidad, West Indies.  I am forever grateful to my parents, teachers, leaders and everyone else who played a part in pointing us to Swami, and moulding us with good values in every aspect of life.

I was attracted to Swami’s message, especially because he said;

“There is only one language, the language of the heart.
There is  only one race, the race of humanity.
There is only one religion, the religion of Love”

This automatically meant that it did not matter in which religion we belong. Be a good Hindu, a good Muslim, a good Christian, or any other religion, even an atheist.  Just be a good person. They are only different roads leading to the same destination, it is the same divine energy that exist in all.

This resonated deeply with me because we only spoke english in Trinidad, and coming from a hindu background, there was a language barrier. The rites and rituals were in Hindi and Sanskrit, which were beyond my comprehension.  I firmly believe that the journey to God is an individual and unique one, with no shortcut nor the need for any middleman.  Swami’s teachings confirmed this and helped me to develop the ability to establish a direct connection internally to his divine energy.  I knew that whenever I shared his positive energy, he was ever more available to me.  Something I took for granted in my ignorance. This lead to various inner experiences I often enjoyed, many of which I never understood until many years later, in fact I am still learning everyday.

My family and I migrated to the US in 2005.  We did not join any church or religious group because of our hectic work schedule.  My kids, Shan and Jason was sixteen and eleven, and they enjoyed the new freedom, no Satsangs or Balvikas.  Life continued with the regular distractions of everyday trials and tribulations.  This left an emptiness inside that I was unable fill, as Satsang and Balvikas  was a huge part of my life in Trinidad.  However, a few years later Radio Sai Global Harmony became my lifeline.  As the years rolled on, our expenses increased when Shan started college.  My husband and I worked hard, living paycheck to paycheck and was happy and grateful when Shan graduated with his BSC in Chemical Engineering in 2011.  

When Swami left his physical form on April, 2011, it had a major impact on me.  I was sad because I never had the chance to see him, nor meet him while he was in the physical form, and I thought I had lost the opportunity.  But I was also relieved, as I did not have to go through the grief of separation that everyone else seemed to be suffering.  That was when I realized that it was easier to connect with him, because there was never any separation.  Our connection was always heart to heart and love to love.

After ten years in the US, on January 2016, I attended my first Sai Satsang.  They started with the Paduka Pooja in a familiar tune, one that I hummed since I was fourteen.  I did not know the words or meaning of the song, but whenever I hummed this tune, it connected me to Swami instantly.  However, I later learned that it was the 108 Names of Swami.   A few days after the Satsang, I decided to look up the meaning on the internet.  So I searched for the 108 Names of Swami with that exact tune, and was totally blown away!   I discovered to my amazement, the importance and potency of my internal connection with Swami.  Even though I missed Satsang for ten years, I was unaware of my good fortune. I was still enjoying Swami's blessings everyday because of this internal connection.

Even when I am not aware of it, Swami is always my saviour.  My timing may not match his, but he never fails me.  As I go through the roller coaster of ups and downs in life things usually falls into place magically.   When I recollect events in my life, if something did not work out, in hindsight it was always in my best interest.  A lesson I never understood until Swami’s Maha Samadhi.  Meanwhile, life went on as usual and Jason started college.  My husband and I never had the opportunity for higher education, so we worked hard to ensure that Shan and Jason had the chance to go to college.

One day in March 2015, I had to close the restaurant by myself at 8:00 pm, so I asked Jason to pick me up, to avoid taking the train that late.  Business was bad and my boss did not want to hire extra help.  It takes about an hour to close the cash register and clean the store, the kitchen, mop and take out the heavy bags of garbage. Jason took the garbage out while I cleaned and mopped. I was extremely tired after standing for eleven hours that day.  On the drive home, Jason was very angry with me for staying on that job. He insisted that slavery days were over and wanted me to quit immediately.  My schedule was already cut by two days, so I was only working three days per week.  I did not want to quit because I needed the salary.  My husband did not make enough money to cover all our expenses, including Jason’s education.

I listened to Dr. Srikant Sola on “Hearing the Inner Voice”. It sounded simple and I wanted to experience it, so I practiced what he said and prayed to Swami.  After a few days, I heard the words loud and clear “Jnana Buddhi”, which I did not understand. I thought it was hindi and it meant knowledge and intellect.  Another day, after work I stayed up late playing Candy Crush, a game on my phone. Unfortunately, the next morning I overslept and did not have time for my new daily practice of meditation, because I would be late for work.  I woke up disappointed and apologized to Swami.  Immediately I heard one word clearly “Gadget”. It did not make sense at the time. However, sometime later I saw a Drama on Youtube, entitled “What’sApp” which was enacted at Prashanti Nilayam.  In the drama they referred to the phone as “Gadget”, and suddenly it made sense!  Swami was referring to my phone as “Gadget”, on the morning I overslept.  It was the reason for my distraction and inability to keep my appointment with him for meditation.

The store was sold in May, 2015 and I was out of a job, for the first time in ten years.  I was worried, but my husband assured me that I had his support, and everything will be okay. Meanwhile, it was an enormous struggle to pay for Jason’s college tuition.  I was unemployed and home with extra time now, so I saw almost all the interviews on Souljourns by Ted Henry.  For the first time in my life, I also had the opportunity to really enjoy many programs on Radio Sai, to my leisure.  I started to practice meditation regularly and discovered my love and attraction for Swami’s Discourses.  The saying “When the student is ready, the teacher is provided” made sense to me then.

Under normal circumstances, I would have been worried to death.  I was still unemployed, but started to enjoy the bliss from connecting to Swami everyday now.  Staying home was actually refreshing. My husband gives me the rent he collects from our basement, since I no longer have a salary.  And I get to stay home and enjoy darshan via Radio Sai and all the other programs on Swami without any disturbance.  Some time later, Jason won two scholarships in 2016 and 2017 covering his full tuition. He will graduate with his BA and MA in Economics next year, 2018.

I saw the interview with Shri C G Sai Prakash, “If You Need Me You Deserve Me”  on Satsang, Season 2, Episode 15.   He spoke about how he heard the inner voice “1990”. He also spoke of the series of events which unfolded, that lead to the name and new program on the study of the “1990 Discourses on Indian Culture and Spirituality”.  The climax was their pleasant surprise to hear Swami actually ending the last discourse with the words “Shravanam Mananam Nidhidhayasanam” after one and a half years.  Swami was the doer, they were only his instruments.

It reminded me of the first time I heard the inner voice, “Jnana Buddhi” and also my relationship with Swami as the unseen doer, taking care of everything in my life.  This episode resonated deeply with me, and I went on to listen to the entire series of “Shravanam, Mananam,  Nidhidhayasanam”.  After enjoying this and many other programs, as well as my new attraction for Swami’s Discourses, I finally understood that Swami was guiding me toward Self Inquiry.  “Jnana Buddhi”  is wisdom of the Self, it is Sanskrit, not Hindi.  Knowledge is from books, but wisdom is experience.  It is a fascinating journey and I have lots more to learn.  I am enjoying the new learning experience everyday, because I know He is my teacher and my everything.

Now that Swami has left the physical form and merged with the Universal Consciousness, He is no longer limited to the form.  He is unlimited and available to everyone equally.  We do not need any qualification, to be educated, rich or of a high status to access him.  Absolutely nothing! The only criteria is that we have to want to experience his enchanting divinity with sincere and intense conviction.  I took many years to learn that he was always looking after me and my family.  My entire life was filled with miracles, but sometimes I could not see because my gaze was not always on Him.  Now that I am learning to become more aware, I know that He is available to me as much as I am available to Him.  It is indeed, reflection, reaction, resound.

It is true….“When the student is ready, the teacher is provided”.

Swami says...
Life is a challenge, meet it!
Life is a game, play it!
Life is love, experience it!

Everyday is a gift and I am extremely grateful and honored to have this opportunity to know of his divinity and enjoy his grace.  As I continue the journey on this school of life, no matter how much I learn, I realize that I do not know anything.  It is truly a humbling experience. I continue to place my faith, ignorance and ego at his lotus feet and pray for his guidance forever. It is my humble prayer and wish that everyone is able to recognize his Divinity and Omnipresence and make use of this golden opportunity.

Jai Sai Ram.